sleepless life

The pain subsides, I turn over and its you again. Laying there staring at me, staring at you, staring at me. You mumble something in your deep, husky voice. A voice I've come to love and detest. I nod in response, not hearing a word you say, because I'm a thousand feet in the air while you're still trapped in my bed.

With the back of your hand you rub the side of my face and I come falling back to earth. You pull at my freshly shaved beard and your mouth begins to move. I listen this time and you deliver your compliments. You're beautiful baby boy, and I smile.

I’m in love with someone else.

I roll out of bed and stare at the moon. Its beautiful tonight. So big, so white and so inviting. I make the same wish I wish every night, a wish that has yet to come true. But I wish it anyway, and with my youthful wishing I wonder if he's staring at the moon thinking of me too. I wish I could live on the dark side of the moon. So peaceful, so quiet, so unlike the voices that trouble my mind. Screaming at me. Screaming at me for continuing this Faust. For continuously allowing this you back in my bed, back in my life, back--when nothing good will come from this.

Its so hard to say goodbye, but even harder to say no. I look over at the clock, but there's nothing. No red, no numbers, no light. I put on the closest pair of boxers and make my way to the bathroom. I throw cold water on my face and ask myself the same questions I asked every other time. WHY?

I’m in love with a man, but its not you.

I come back to you and you motion for me to come back to bed, round four, you say, but I stand there, silent, checking the time on my imaginary watch that sits upon my brown wrist with the sharpied words I wrote the day before-SAY NO-thanks a lot josuf, shit didn’t work.

You stare at me, while I stare back at you, staring at me, and then you finally rise, like a zombie in the night. You walk past me and I close my eyes hoping you'll make your grand exit, but you don't. I feel your warm hands as you place them around my waist and pull me into your warm, loving embrace. Your member fits perfectly along the crest of my ass, and your mouth begins its journey across my neck.

I’m weak. I'm clark kent and I'm weak. Your kisses are like kryptonite and no matter how much I say no, you don't stop, and with every kryptonite drop I slowly lose my fight. You don't stop, and you know the clock is counting down before I'm yours again.

three

two

one

sorry josuf, i really tried.

You throw me on the bed and continue bombing my body with your kryptonite tongue, you grab a rubber, place it on your monster, and then its too late for me to quit. I'm in ectasy. Round four. J-zero You-four. I'm in love with someone else, but for tonight you have my focus, you have my mind, you have my body, and the devil has my soul.

We twist, we turn, we laugh, we moan, and then it happens. Your body convulses and mine follows suit. Its over. I lost, and its over. My mind wanders back to the moon. I get up, put on some clothes and you ask me where I’m going. I say out, you say why, I say I need to think, you say why, I say cause, you say why, I say cause, u say why, I say cause, u say cause, I say why! and you say come back to bed baby, I love the way your body feels.

I think I'm in love with a guy. I think he’s in like with me. I don’t speak on this. He never says the words. I assume. He ignores the elephant. When will this all end and will WE ever begin?