LIFE
Am I alive, I began asking myself as soon as I caught my breath, or was I dead again. The rain had started back, the pain had returned, but the blood had stopped pouring from the crevices of my face. Am I alive or have I died again I asked. But this time there was no answer. There was no one there to snap me back to reality if this was indeed another trick my imagination was playing on me. I pinched myself to see if I could feel pain. Ouch! I screamed, as a sharp pain rose through my nervous system and headed straight to my brain and down I went once again.
Maybe the kid did more damage to me than I thought. Maybe I should go to the hospital. Maybe I have a concussion. Maybe I have a brain contusion. Maybe I'm already dead. Or maybe I'm just over reacting because I didn't take my medicine today. Did I take my medicine? Woke up, brushed teeth, ate eggs, drunk milk, drunk milk with pills, choked on pill, swallowed more milk. Check, check, check check check.
So if I took my medicine today so why am I freaking out. Why dont my legs work anymore. Why am I head first on the bed of my truck in apuddle of water. Maybe I am dead. Maybe the kid killed me. Maybe dreads killed me. Just maybe.
DEATH
Would death be so bad for a man like me. I walk alone on a daily basis. Pushing and shoving everyone within arm's reach away. Building up walls from the pleasantries of strangers and the smiles of close associates. Planting bombs made of lies in every conversation I have, so no one ever knows who I really am. If they knew me they wouldn't like me one bit. I don't even know if I like myself right now.
I deserved the punch, I deserved the black eye, I deserve everything the kid did to me. I should apologize to him, I should drive to his house and make sure he made it home safe. I should and I would, if only my damn legs worked.
FUCK!
why does God hate me so much.
No comments:
Post a Comment