continuum

someone told me i should continue blogging. i don't know if i should, but maybe i will. i'm ready for a change, but i think i'm just running from the same problems that led me to the big city of Los Angeles.

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i get restless. i'm restless now. i'm chasing this high that i know i'll never attain. i had a really great moment a few weeks back. it was nice. it was really nice. i could've lived in that moment forever. but it was that, just a moment. no pressure, everything was nice. everything was cool. and then it was over. i want that moment back.

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i feel like i'm twelve again. i feel lost. everything is in a constant flux. if i didn't have so much to live for i'd probably slit my throat. i think i'm going back to my old ways of pushing people away. i mean if people you feel loike you're close to keep having a problem with you, then obviously its me. but i really don't know what the problem is. i don't see what i'm doing. sometimes i say things that i know i shouldn't say but i say them anyway. but i only do that with one person. maybe i'm just jealous that i can never find a real connection with the person i want.

i don't think i'll continue this. i'd rather draw and get my aggressions out that way. blogging makes me sad. i feel depressed now.